Today marks the start of a new chapter for seek + be. I'm writing this from my brand new little studio, surrounded by freshly painted walls and beautifully organized shelves filled to the brim with artwork and jewelry I've made over the years. I have supplies with me now that have been sitting in storage for the last 3 years. I have a place for everything and (at least for the moment!) everything is in its place.
I've always dreamed of having my own studio, and off and on over the years I've had spaces to call my own - spare bedrooms, a friends garage, and most recently, a table in our living room. But nothing like this. It may be small but I now have a beautiful space all my own, with bright white walls and a lovely accent wall in the perfect shade of peachy-pink. The last 2 weeks I have physically worked harder than I have in years - patching countless holes in walls, painting every square inch (including the ceiling!), moving loads from home and our storage unit, setting up shelving and bookcases. It's been a labor of love but every second of it has been worth it.
I've dreamt of this space thousands of times. It's been my go-to daydream and the sliver of hope I needed on dark days. Over the past 2 years, during some of the darkest moments throughout my husbands cancer journey, this is where my mind, heart and soul came to recharge. I thought of a moment that would happen on the other side of the journey - a moment where I'd be sitting in a space all my own, able to focus on bringing this vision of mine to life. I didn't know that place would look like, where it would be or how it would even logistically happen, but I knew that there would be a moment so powerful and amazing that it would take my breath away...and now I'm here.
I cried as I sat here in my studio this morning, overwhelmed with gratitude and the realization that this is a dream that has in fact come true. I realized that this moment feels heavy and monumental not only because I'm actually here - this crazy dream of mine is very much alive and happening right now - but also because in some ways, this is a moment that feels like the "other" side. While my husband is (thankfully!) done with treatment and surgeries, our lives are still very much entwined with cancer. He's still recovering in many ways, we're still trying to recover financially and he won't technically be considered in remission for another 4+ years. But we're out of the thick of it. We're no longer in the eye of the storm and the fact that I can now focus on seek + be and growing it into the community I envision means that we are on the other side.
So maybe some of my tears are gratitude to be on the other side. And some of my tears may be gratitude to no longer be a care giver. Believe me, I love my husband and I would do it all again in a heartbeat if it was needed, but it is HARD.
I think mostly these tear are just pure gratitude and happiness to be experiencing this moment I have waited for and dreamt of for so long.
I can't wait to see what is created within these 4 walls...to see what dreams and ideas come to life here. And I can't wait to see how I grow as an artist. But mostly, I can't wait to share the journey with you!